perfect vs passionate

Do you want to be a perfect person who competes aggressively, restlessly in whatever you do? Or do you want to be a passionate person who excels in only one given area but never loses the passion in ups and downs?

Back Up Plan

One important thing in risk management is to have a back up plan.

However in our everyday life, there is only one way, no back up. The back up plan is a false comfort zone.

Does status, fame, fortune, money really important to you?

I have seen two groups of moms. One group is still employed today, earning decent money and having a decent career. But struggling not having enough time with their children. Their take home pay is transfered to baby sitters and after school programs. or they save pretty much by using their parents as maids.

The other group, bravely staying at home, do everything on their own but once in a while is not certain about it, not completely happy or satisfied with the "stay home wife" title and is wondering is this all the rest of the life is about?

Is there a happy medium or a solution to this dilemma?

I went to seek Biblical counseling before I got pregnant. How woman and career should be handled according to the Bible? The bible does not forbid mom to take a career or stay at home. But bible does recited an example of a wisdom woman in the last chapter of Proverbs, who took care of the need of the family and also have her own investment business. So this is an example that some one can actually solve the paradox, an inspiration, who I want to be and will be by the mighty power of God.

I have seen a friend on one hand just could not give up her pay check, on the other hand, feeling tremendous guilt to her sons. Does the status of being employed, and a few take home $ that important to you, more important to you than the time you spent with your sons?

Chichen and Egg

Which one comes first? What is the reason and what is the result?

In the business world, we call that "the catch 22", which basically means the same thing.

In the early days when I just become a Christian, I found out the people who loves the Lord the most are the people having the most difficulties in their lives. In another words, because of the difficulties, they are forced to stick with the Lord.

But today, I found it is completely the opposite. I realized, it is because the people who are most sincere to the Lord in their hearts, God measure trials and tribulations into their lives, so that they are more thankful, joyful and have a changed life.

Because they are sincere follower of Christ, God intervened and a new life is born, despite of the difficulties and suffers.

Have you ever been here?

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ jesus my lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.

I have.

Are we playing God?

God does not want us to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Why?

One explanation I heard is that God is divine and he is reference point. Everything from HIM is good, not from HIM is evil. If I thought I know good from evil is more to use myself as a reference point, than everything from me is good, not me is evil.

Last Friday, a sister shared her experience about her seemingly eternal sickness. She talked about what you do when God does not heal you and concluded: being sick can glorify God.

Last Wednesday, out teacher told us her second daughter almost died in a third world country when they were missionaries there. They were on schedule to get on to a train which has no water and medical supplies. God cancelled that train and her daughter survived. Had her daughter got onto that train, she would have been died. In responding her testimonies, some one in the audience, responded: If she died, God is still a good God.

Last Sunday, a brother shared his testimony about exporting business in China. He needs to export goodies from mainland to US but the official requested a bribe. He, being a Christian, do not want to conform but will suffer significant financial loss if the export did not arrive on time. He prayed and forgot about it until five days later. God reminded him to ship from somewhere else and eventually the goodies arrived on the exact date.

I had thought about God heal people, which is good. God save people from dying, which is good. God change the heart of the people asking for bribe, which is good...But God used the opposite to show His power, love and mercy, led each of them through...

To heal not to heal, to save not to save, to change not to change, God measures different cups to each one of us. Do not take God's matter into our own hands, based on our own experience and understanding about God. We are not HIM and HE is always above and beyond...

One woman + her prayers

Bible has many stories about women. Sarah, Hannah, Noemi,...

Each of them lived a life I would not sign up for. But they certainly make the course of the history. In picturing them and their lives, I learned that even in their difficult situations with unbearable pains, it only takes one woman and their agonizing prayers to bring forth life into death or give birth to a child...

Only one woman and her prayers are enough.

God is your God, not mine

I recently encountered a sister, who is a single mom and recently lost her son. "God loves you but not me."

This comment frozen me. When I was a non-believer, I felt the same way. The God is other people's God. He answers other people's prayers but not mine. I still remember to a point, I dont believe any of my prayers will be heard. But our group leader at the time, volunteered to pray for me. "Whatever it wont change!"

A week later, the prayer was answered. When I was giving praise to God, I was challenged who says God does not love me? I was loved at that moment. God's love is passed to me through other people.

There is a bible story about a paralyzed person who could not walk to the feet of the Jesus, but his friends climbed up to the roof and dropped him directly in front of Jesus. Are we using our prayers to help deliver the people not coming to Jesus by themselves to the feet of cross and get healed?

No single achievement worth remembering...

"There is not a single achievement worth remembering that isn't stained with the blood of diligence and etched with the scars of disappointment."

Imagining see this statement when you are half walked in the morning like me. I am completely awake.

Spiritual Warfare or attack by the devils

My sister called in tears asking for prayer for some sort of spiritual attack on her family.

I am now writing down from my own experience what I learned:

1. Devils will not fundamentally change anything. They can only touch the surface and make us annoyed. But after the process, what is good always is given to us by God

2. You will be feel like being loved, by strangers, by people not expect them to love you. God is every where.

3. In the even, bit by bit you are not afraid any more. You will be ready to take on more challenges in lives.

Do not focus on the matters that were seen, because they are transient. Focus on the matters unseen, as they will bring internal life.

Holy spirit will help us to understand and grow in the process.

Do you know who you are?

I read this in my daily routine:

The mature people are described as:

They know who they are...
they like who they are...
they are who they are.

They are real.

What you see on the outside, Matters?

Last Friday, it was our first time to join the home fellowship group in our church. It was in a big single family house in the prestigious school district.

We have seen the owner at the church before. The husband always dress with name brand shirts and the wife looks so young that you would never believe she has a son in college already. The house had a swinging pool, which was used for our church's baptism.

That's all I know about them. Happy, easy and fortunate life for them, I guessed.

During the gathering, in order for me and my husband to get to know them, everyone introduced their family and answered my questions, "How did they become Christian?" "Why haven't they give up God?"

I was shocked in a very profound way for what I heard. The owner of the house is a "blended" family, a second marriage for both husband and wife. They have five children in total. Both the husband and wife still work full time.

One middle son is born with autism. The youngest daughter is born with genetic defect, do not have the ability to regenerate blood, had bone marrow transfer when she was 3, now can not have any wounds or cuts, a simple infection can kill her right away...

Second marriage, five children, and autism, and ...
How do they even survive?

But they seem to be happy and grateful. There seems to be only one answer to this: God.

A good life vs an eternal life

Recently I found out most of the unhappiness I had is because things do not turn out as I had planned. I want things to be easy.

However God wants to give us eternal life. The resilience of life does not come that easy without any difficulty.

A good person

Ever since I am expecting, I start to collect baby items. Friends passed along a lot of items to me, including name brand clothes and shoes, which I would not buy. Surprisingly enough, these gifts are mostly from non-Christian friends. One drove 1 hour one-way to deliver his crib to us and another traveled internationally taking her one year old car seat to us. The first gift on the baby registry is from a non Christian friend too. Whereas my Christian friends, we used to pray, share together and I have given them baby gifts in the past, now seem not that interested including some have promised in the past.

Christianity does not seem to make people a better person. The worldly good people may have more "goodness" than Christians.

I start to agree with this.

Being defeated

In the last couple of days, I felt being defeated. I was diagnosed to have gestational diabetes. I dont feel like cooking any more. Friends called asking why we haven't have a house warming, if we plan to have a baby shower...I dont felt doing any of these... I was defeated like a balloon losing its air.

But, so what?

When we were worshiping yesterday morning, I felt like the holy spirit gives me a dose of anti-depressant. God gives me strength to stare at the difficulties in the eyes, laugh at them and wipe them away.

So what! I am weak, but I live on the strength given from God.

What kind of old lady would you like to become?

One day I asked myself this question. What would I want my son, grandson and great grandson remember me for?

The answer lies in what you remember your mom and grandma for? Their food, career, presents, time with you?

Why?

Being trained as a scientist, keep challenging everything by asking why. In scientific meetings or big company internal technical reviews, if you challenge the speaker at the right time" Do you know why?" You will earn respect from speakers and fellow audience.

But not in real life. Keep asking God why this happens to me? Why I can not live the life the way I wanted? God wants to give me the best? But why can't I just get away from this difficulty live an average life as others?

Noah's ark story is familiar to every one. Every family died but only Noah's family survived. Throughout the story recited in the bible, Noah obeyed God and did not ask a single "why" at all.

Who is smarter?

Faith: round 1

When I was a new believer, I found myself went through the following steps:

1. I asked God for something. It really happened. "Is this really because of God? or just a coincidence?" Giving God the credit for what He did--Step 1.

2. I asked God for something. Nothing happened. I had to wait. I began to wondering.
But still believes in God will help me on it---Step 2.

3. I asked God for something. Negative indicators showed up. "Where is God?"
But still believes in God will give me what I ask for.---Step 3.

God has given me what I had asked for through steps 1-3, so that was a happy experience. But one day I realized, God is not a waitress or waiter taking orders in the restaurant. Once we give out our requests, they go fetch what we ordered. In addition, life is not a menu...

Walked for 30 years

My mentor, who has retired and replanted to the west coast, recently went back to NY, met his old walking partner at their usual spot and walked again, as they have done in the past 30yrs during lunch hours.

This greatly touched me.

I have a walking partner too. We met at the most difficult times on in both our lives. There are a great deal of uncertainty in our lives ahead...

Maybe I should make appointment with her to meet in 30 yrs, to see how God leads our lives.

Is there such thing called "fate"?

A close friend of ours often had great stock options from his jobs. If he had cashed out those options at the right time, or even half of what is given, he could basically afford anything in this life and not have to work. But he did not. Whenever he brought this topic up, he concluded with a big sigh "this is fate!"

I had another friend. She can get into high profile companies but twice in a row but she got into trouble with her managers. "Why I just can't learn? Or this is just fate?"

I found myself get into troubles which are reoccurring. Is there really a thing called "fate"?

We often pray that God knows us before we were conceived. God has great plans for us. What does this mean? God has already programmed our lives with great detail and accuracy?

"Jeremiah 18

At the Potter's House

1 This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD : 2 "Go down to the potter's house, and there I will give you my message." 3 So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
5 Then the word of the LORD came to me: 6 "O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel. 7 If at any time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be uprooted, torn down and destroyed, 8 and if that nation I warned repents of its evil, then I will relent and not inflict on it the disaster I had planned. 9 And if at another time I announce that a nation or kingdom is to be built up and planted, 10 and if it does evil in my sight and does not obey me, then I will reconsider the good I had intended to do for it."


Life is an inactive process with God.

You are your attitude

A single most significant decision you can make on a DAY-to-DAY basis is choice of your attitude.

Attitude is that one thing that keeps you going or crippled. It alone can fuel your passion and fire or stab, assault your heart.

Positive attitude and the choice of be happy is not a simple mind game because we have true hope in the Jesus Christ. This hope is not empty.

My Son

Ever since I become pregnant, I started to ask around for reusable baby items, stocking up diapers. I made a list of things we need for baby under 6 months.

Yesterday at church, the mom next to me save two seats. After the worship started, two big sons, a head taller than us, squeezed in. As they are passing in front of me, I heard a voice"your son will be as tall as they are."

"What?" I am frozen.

I can't stop peek at them during the service. The mom is holding one hands of the sons when they prayed together...

I can predict just what today or tomorrow contains. I can get prepared for my son, but maybe only 6 month ahead. But God looks at 20 years ahead. What I need/want the most, a family bounded in God's divine love...

What is he made of?

I have a "walking partner", who walks with me in the park twice a week.

Her husband had cancer twice when he was a teenager, now he had a liver cancer after being cancer free for twenty years... This morning was their first chemo. But the husband went to work directly after the chemo. I was so shocked.

"What is he made of?" " He does not take a time to pity on himself?" "How can he just treat a chemo like a regular doctor appointment?"

His mom abandoned him and his two younger brothers when they were young. He did not finish high school but worked to raise his brothers. He and his wife now, adopting a hearing impaired half brother from his mom's second marriage to teach him read, write...

What is life to you?

To me at this moment, life is taking my husband by hand, gazing only at Jesus, not looking ahead or back, not left or right, making each step, even though it is on a broken road...

Treat others as a human being

Long time ago, a pastor consoled a person having psychological problem, later he thanked the pastor for treating him as a human being the first time in his life.

A disabled person was once asked why he likes to spend time with a group of Christians, he replied: because I was treated as a person.

Treat others as a human being, as they a creation of God too. Maybe their behaviors and belief systems do not deserve anybody treat them well but did any of the darkness in our lives deserve any of the God’s mercy and love?

Treat other person with respect and dignity, as they are treasures in God’s eye.

How many times, we treat people as objects, tools means subconsciously because we are already spent…

Treat others as a human being as God is.

Life is never....

How would you finish this sentence?

Life is never meant for us to live it on our own, but in indwelling partnership and dependence on the God who loves and gave himself up for me.

Where are you praying?

Have you wondered why someone prayed, heavenly power came down and situation turned around? But when we prayed, we even not sure if God has heard…

When you call some one, would you like to talk to him directly or just leaving a message on the answer machine…

Are you praying in spirit as the spirit desires or praying in the flesh, wishing things turn out as you plan?

Pray in the spirt. Make sure you are plugged into God when you pray.

How would you describe water?

Recently I felt life is more and more like water.

How would you describe water?

Have you found similarity in life?

Living everyday as if it is your last

Living everyday as if it is your last

It is not pessimistic. I tried and found out it actually had a positive impact on me.

I am not running around and take my daily life as a check list. I can take time to think, listen, observe, absorb etc. I would not treat conversations as a routine or even a waste of time but putting my heart to it, “what can I say to benefit her?” for it could be my last conversation with this person.

I take time to respond emails with deep care and feelings. I cook meals, clean the house with more effort and feeling.

I find out in thinking that this is the last day, I am less self-focused and shift more time and effort on the important things. At the end of the day, I felt more accomplished and satisfied. I decided to try it more, to make it a week, a month, until the thinking pattern grows into a habit…a life having right priorities everyday…A life actively prepared for the coming of the risen King!

Give it a try?

A full spectrum of work

There is a full spectrum of work, from some one could not pull off in the morning, to a pure workaholic.

This s the note from my class.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

#1 Do not want to work anymore:
Work is good, not slavery. Work is not just to fund our pleasure. Work is part of the original creation. It is a gift from God to develop, discovery things with God. It is part of we rule. We join the Lord in the redemption, bring HIM to the place we work, develop satisfaction, Lord delighted in it.

Exp: George Washington Carver and peanut.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington_Carver
(please read the religion section)

#2 Workaholic:

People put work the very first in what they do, because they find their worth it. However, Lord has different seasons. My worth does not depend on the work. If we run into such a cycle, ask: what am I seeking in this? Often the drive is underlying and masked. Some is seeking approval from others, some is a way to escape the difficult situation (marriage), for woman (not being loved), burying pains...

Declare and renounce: my respect, being loved is coming from HIM.

Galations 1:10
Am I trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or Am I trying to please men?

Colossians 3:23-24

What ever you do, work at it with al your heart, as working for the lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

Whatever you ask for in prayer....

Mark 11:24, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

What does this mean?
What does this mean to me and my family?

It is a lifestyle.

Are you ready?

Life is a CONSTANT choice to walk with the Lord, choosing to trust Him, developing new modes of behaviors.

Every thought going through my mind, every word from my mouth, every action from my body counts. It either leads me closer to God or pushes me further away from Him. It either displays God or Evil.

Are you ready?

I want to say I am not. Is there a middle ground? But unfortunately the world has been run this way already and there is no middle ground. We are plainly deceived that daily thoughts, words, actions do not matter. No one will know. We comfortably slide into our old habits/pattern without even noticing them.

Like everything that we eat goes through our GI track, either providing nutrition or toxin to the body, every thought goes through our minds contribute to our spiritual health.

Do we want to be healthy or unhealthy?

God’s miracles

When I was a new believer, I challenged our small group leader: why God did not show up in a big way and manifest himself, then we all converted to his followers?
Why do we have to show the unbeliever using our “born again” lives?

Last night as I was in class, after being a believer for many years, God asked me: which one do you think it is harder? Performing miracles or changing lives? Which one you benefit the most, watching a miracle or giving tools and resources in your new life

Two groups

I know two groups of people. They all have similar lives until they about 30s.

A leading example from group A is that he realized that he does not have anytime to waste. He stepped out from his highly paid job to be a servant of God. He is very busy, many people depend on him spiritually and he is depending on God to pay his rent, mortgages, maybe food on the table.

A leading example from the second group (group B) is that he “accidently” become filthy rich and he has been very smart and successful in replicating his accident experience. He is also very busy, sleeping about 4 hours each day.

I believe God is powerful so I ask Him why you did not connecting dots a little bit differently? To have group A become filthy rich then they can serving you without worry about the next meal on the table, and have group B not so successful so they can have more sleep, which is better for their health.

God: “I am giving a group A a stronger faith…, they are not lacking anything…” “Which group do you want to be in?”

Run-away

Recently I tried to “persuade” a friend to be a believer. He asked if anybody has believed in Jesus once and then later on converted into a un-believer. There are quite few of them. If counting the persons who are believers in the words but unbelievers in their actions, there are even more.

He commented: “I need to know what those people are thinking before deciding if I should choose to be a believer”.

When I first become a Christian, I heard stories from a senior person in our small group, that his biological brother was a Christian but changed into a unbeliever later on in his life. I found myself right way not impressed by this Jesus and his saving capability anymore.

If He is truly powerful how can he let people go? If Christianity is truly the only way of life, why people run away after they found the treasure?

Recently, I begin to think differently. It is actually “the process” God will bring them back. Maybe the runaway is the opportunity that God will bring them into a deeper relationship. Without the runaway, there are things they would not understand. God’s mercy is great enough, even to cover all kinds of runaways.

There are things happening in my life I don’t understand, I was disappointed with life once. I was a runway, do not want anything to do with this Jesus. But God is great enough to use this exact area to show me the way.

Allowing runaway is because He is able, His mercy covers all and His blood redeems everything.

Don’t judge the “run-away’er” but pray for them, making this the very opportunity that God will use to build roots with them.

What is the greatest gift?

If God’s store opens, and you can get any gift from Him, but only one, what will you ask for?
The bible documents many spiritual gifts, which one do you desire the most?

At our weekly online worship, God freely gave out His spiritual gifts. There was a new tongue, an anointing of worship, intercessory prayer, word of wisdom, word of knowledge, physical healing, new calculator, ….etc and a big faith.

If you were there with me and free to choose, which one you want the most?

I really desire the word of wisdom and word of knowledge which will help me to be more effective in what I do. But a Voice came: the big faith is the greatest gift of all.

Is it? God is the author and beginner of my faith, if He did not find me, dug me out, I am still lost. If I do have other spiritual gifts, I pray that I use them to glorify the owner (God). But my heart are longing for the big faith, without which I can not fulfill my purpose in this life.

Law vs Grace

Bible passages, descriptions (such as descriptions with wife) are not condemnations (Law) but the promise of what He is working in me (Grace).

Mind=conscious control center. Mind governs conscious life. Choose which will follow and which will rule (flesh vs Spirit)

What’s the first thing you can serve the Lord in the New life?

Last year I give all my technical skills, interpersonal skills, talents, ambitions, plans etc to the Lord. I thought those are my best that I can give to Him.

Often heard from people in the church from the past, I want to serve the Lord with my musical talent, with my leadership skills, with ....skills…..

But this morning, I woke up to realize the very best thing we can and should serve the Lord is to serve Him with our minds. Empty our minds and yield to the Spirit.

This should be the very first and foremost that we could give to the Lord and very first fruit of a born-again?

Have you ever experienced born-again? Make sure you do not miss that.

Goals and objectives

Goals in US are inspirational. In another words, they drive the team towards the goals but not judging the performance with it. If the team achieve only 80% of the goal, it is perfectly fine because the team could turn around to say the goals are not realistic or we tried our best. However, goals in Asian culture are set to measure performance. As long as they are in place, people will automatically measure their progress and achievement against the goal. In another words, you’d better achieve 100% or beyond or you failed.

I was thinking if the goals and objectives are biblical in the recent month. Is the goal more like the law and freedom more like the grace?

Then I found this in my class handout: Goals may be very good, even biblical. But if the law of the thing itself is my focus, I will fail:
- My flesh rebels: through a deception.
- The more I focus on and determine to achieve the goal, the more I fail
- Results: despair, depression, anger at self, others, God (here I am trying my hardest to obey but failing!)

What do you have time for?

I am a very time conscious person. I hate wasting time. I always analyze if this is a good spend of my time. Because $ can be earned but time went by, it is permanent.

Time is so precious, but I have a habit of putting it into unhappiness, weary, worry, and depression. For a life redeemed by Jesus’ blood that is really not a time well-spent.

I decided that I don’t have time for depression, despair any more….Would you like to join me?

What is a blessing?

As I told my husband yesterday that our baby-making effort failed again, he made a comment why easy things for other people become difficult for us? He is right. A lot of things, which have been fairly easy for our friends, but are difficult for us.

My path has been very straight and “smooth” before the point I accept Jesus into my heart. Ever since then I become more and more sincere with God, the life become a more and more bumpier ride for us. I am talking about basic needs of the life, a car, a house, a children and a job.

We have friends accomplished those in a year. Most our friends the moment they want a children, they become pregnant the following month. They want a house, they can have two, end up having to sell one. They want a new car, getting it in a day, which is a fourth addition to what they already have. They never seem to worry about their jobs, as they grow senior and more experienced within the organization with more and more responsibilities…..

Our situation is different. We do not have a house, a children or a job. We soon need another car…..
I left a good job and did not take executive jobs. I recognize the importance of family, welcome God’s way into my life, focus on starting a family. I am activity learning the role of a wife according the bible and what is God’s way in the relation between a woman and career….Break the old and grow into the new is not easy for me. And top it off with the needs of our lives....

What is a blessing?

I don’t think my husband and I are incapable people or we are just lazy not trying hard enough.

We are helpless and can only relying on praying….

Through this process, we give ourselves more and more to God. These are opportunities. Not the opportunities for God, but the opportunities for us. The opportunities God gave us to invite us to partner with Him to reign in our lives.

What is a blessing? If I am walking on my old course, we probably have had all these basic needs covered… But are these really blessings?
Or our current adversity is a blessing? An opportunity to have an inseparable relationship with God through each step, because we need HIM.

Romans 7

It has been unclear to me what Roman7 says. Until recently, I start to understand it. But in my memory, the people from my past churches all seem to use what is recited as an excuse.

Here is our teacher says about it.

It is the utmost despair when you are committed to the do the God’s way, you have given up everything and tried everything you could, you found out it is not enough.

People at this point tend to give up hope: Christianity does not work for everyone. God saves you but not me. People live in despair, in depression or hiding the rest of their lives. “ I suppose this is right, I will say it but deep in my heart I don’t believe it” “Looking in the mirror, I really hate who I am.”…Some long term believers even go to change the Words or change their sense,” while scripture is living that it should have messages tuned to our new age…”

Many believers and churches stopped at Roman 7 and not able to go beyond.

What to do? Thanks to God that we have Roman 8. Recognize the fact that we are not who we were anymore. We can reign in life rather than rolling over. You and Lord agree an area get to change, you do not want to stay there anymore, be conscious about it: “ That is really bothering me”. This is the beginning of the (healing) process, where change starts. Notice the progress have already been made.

We were deceived: It(bad habits, bad images, evil) is in me, so it must be me.” (It is the active evil within us, not us.)

It is important to understand we are not under law and so are our fellow believers. We are under Grace. For under the law, we may achieve short term success but long term it will not succeed. Whenever there is a law, some people will actively fight, some will have resistance, rival has an active factor, (all in us)….

Technician vs. Executive

I had wondered why God does not issue an experimental procedure for us whenever he calls us to do something. Why still give us so much freedom? Until recently, I woke up. God wants us to be His executives not technicians. Technicians carried out tasks by orders, however executives are given a vision or a position, need to pull a team together, allocate resources…The impact of an executive can be long lasting and profound, like Jack Welch to GE, but technicians job is more predictable, more relied on others, often their contribution go unnoticed, some people even think they are dispensable, although I don’t agree.

Do you want to be God’s executive to run His Kingdom with Him, or do you just want to be a technician? What do I want?

On the other hand, when we give our lives to God, do we want Him to be our Master as an executive or master as a technician? How much room in our lives and situations that we give to Him? When we pray, do we pray Lord I want this thing happen at this order at such a time or do we just pray for a purpose?

Sometimes we do not see God, maybe because we look at the wrong place……

A thought, a penny

Our landlord increases our month to month rate while she did not increase others historically. She does not give us advance notice as required by the law in CA, yet my husband is afraid of moving. Out of the mercy and fear, I swallow the situation and pay the increased rate.

I borrowed a Casio game CD from local library for my in law because that seems to be the most interesting thing to them in Las Vegas. I did not do it from my love but God’s love as I felt deep separation and hurt by their behaviors. However, I got a call stating there is user manual not returned. I don’t believe it was with the CD I borrowed, but which I will be responsible for as I did not report it. When I tried to make it clear I did not know there should be one, could it be possible the manual is still on the shelf, I got a very impatient answer.

I was scheduled a week ago to do a consulting project with a financial firm. I nervously spent my time and try to do a good job. However, it was cancelled at the last minute due to a sudden change of their priorities.

I was also promised to get updated information if I will join Law Firm #3 for a project starting in January. But I did not receive any message from my contact when I contacted him. He is in China and not coming back until early February.

I felt I am losing my husband to another woman, his Mom. He spent quite long time in their room with door closed. I went to look for him three times and he is in the parents room. Eventually he comes to find me because he wanted me to set up dinner.

All these happened in two days, back to back. In the mist of it, I went to our Christian counseling class, where our teacher said every though going through our mind is a choice we make, we are advancing someone’s agenda, if not God’s then is satan’s.

If I told myself I will put penny after penny so that we can buy a house in Silicon Valley. I will be insane. But this time, I really want to try out, under each of the above circum stances, I will still trust God, praise God and be thankful to Him, as a thought, one by one, advancing God’s agenda not mine, not satan’s, be a weapon of God, not the world’s, not the situation’s…..

What will happen?

What do you get up everyday for?

Have you ever had experience that the only reason you get everyday is because of the Lord? The people disappointed you, things kept on getting worse and worse. One has not been solved and an even worse one appeared. You feel crammed and can hardly breathe. All other nice expectation about life, a baby, a house and a job… are nowhere to be found.

Maybe you haven’t, but I am certainly in the mist of it.

My only drive to get up everyday is to expect that someday God is going to lead me through. He can raise the dead, turn water into wine…. My situation is not bigger than He can handle.

What is really life?

Many Christians pray just for circumstantial things they want outside of their lives. However God wants to change us. Do we really understand who we are now as believers in Christ? Do we understand the purpose for which we become believers? Do we understand the call and freedom and power to grow, to be saved in our practical daily lifestyle?

Life and death

Everybody fights hard for life and fights hard against death.

Often we end up in a situation thinking that is life but it actually leads to death, but some deadly situation leads to a fruitful life.

Do you know what is life and what is death? What are you fighting for and fighting against?

Under the circumstances

We are under the weather, under the situation, under the circumstances….

But what are we doing under there?

Do we know whom we are praying to?

Who are you praying to?

Our first stop to entertain our in-laws is Las Vegas. When first arrived after 8 hour driving, everyone was exhausted. My husband waited in line to check in.

While I was waiting, I prayed for a room upgrade then started to read our Wednesday bible class handout.

“Hope is different from positive thinking, because we have basis.”
A voice occurred to me: “Do you know whom you were praying to?”

Do I know?

Later that night, we checked into two executive suits, with restricted floor access. Our room was opposite to Bellagio, so we can get a big picture view with the fountain show.

When the road is narrow and budget is tight, do we know whom we are praying to?
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PS. We only paid $50/day.