What is a blessing?

As I told my husband yesterday that our baby-making effort failed again, he made a comment why easy things for other people become difficult for us? He is right. A lot of things, which have been fairly easy for our friends, but are difficult for us.

My path has been very straight and “smooth” before the point I accept Jesus into my heart. Ever since then I become more and more sincere with God, the life become a more and more bumpier ride for us. I am talking about basic needs of the life, a car, a house, a children and a job.

We have friends accomplished those in a year. Most our friends the moment they want a children, they become pregnant the following month. They want a house, they can have two, end up having to sell one. They want a new car, getting it in a day, which is a fourth addition to what they already have. They never seem to worry about their jobs, as they grow senior and more experienced within the organization with more and more responsibilities…..

Our situation is different. We do not have a house, a children or a job. We soon need another car…..
I left a good job and did not take executive jobs. I recognize the importance of family, welcome God’s way into my life, focus on starting a family. I am activity learning the role of a wife according the bible and what is God’s way in the relation between a woman and career….Break the old and grow into the new is not easy for me. And top it off with the needs of our lives....

What is a blessing?

I don’t think my husband and I are incapable people or we are just lazy not trying hard enough.

We are helpless and can only relying on praying….

Through this process, we give ourselves more and more to God. These are opportunities. Not the opportunities for God, but the opportunities for us. The opportunities God gave us to invite us to partner with Him to reign in our lives.

What is a blessing? If I am walking on my old course, we probably have had all these basic needs covered… But are these really blessings?
Or our current adversity is a blessing? An opportunity to have an inseparable relationship with God through each step, because we need HIM.

Romans 7

It has been unclear to me what Roman7 says. Until recently, I start to understand it. But in my memory, the people from my past churches all seem to use what is recited as an excuse.

Here is our teacher says about it.

It is the utmost despair when you are committed to the do the God’s way, you have given up everything and tried everything you could, you found out it is not enough.

People at this point tend to give up hope: Christianity does not work for everyone. God saves you but not me. People live in despair, in depression or hiding the rest of their lives. “ I suppose this is right, I will say it but deep in my heart I don’t believe it” “Looking in the mirror, I really hate who I am.”…Some long term believers even go to change the Words or change their sense,” while scripture is living that it should have messages tuned to our new age…”

Many believers and churches stopped at Roman 7 and not able to go beyond.

What to do? Thanks to God that we have Roman 8. Recognize the fact that we are not who we were anymore. We can reign in life rather than rolling over. You and Lord agree an area get to change, you do not want to stay there anymore, be conscious about it: “ That is really bothering me”. This is the beginning of the (healing) process, where change starts. Notice the progress have already been made.

We were deceived: It(bad habits, bad images, evil) is in me, so it must be me.” (It is the active evil within us, not us.)

It is important to understand we are not under law and so are our fellow believers. We are under Grace. For under the law, we may achieve short term success but long term it will not succeed. Whenever there is a law, some people will actively fight, some will have resistance, rival has an active factor, (all in us)….

Technician vs. Executive

I had wondered why God does not issue an experimental procedure for us whenever he calls us to do something. Why still give us so much freedom? Until recently, I woke up. God wants us to be His executives not technicians. Technicians carried out tasks by orders, however executives are given a vision or a position, need to pull a team together, allocate resources…The impact of an executive can be long lasting and profound, like Jack Welch to GE, but technicians job is more predictable, more relied on others, often their contribution go unnoticed, some people even think they are dispensable, although I don’t agree.

Do you want to be God’s executive to run His Kingdom with Him, or do you just want to be a technician? What do I want?

On the other hand, when we give our lives to God, do we want Him to be our Master as an executive or master as a technician? How much room in our lives and situations that we give to Him? When we pray, do we pray Lord I want this thing happen at this order at such a time or do we just pray for a purpose?

Sometimes we do not see God, maybe because we look at the wrong place……

A thought, a penny

Our landlord increases our month to month rate while she did not increase others historically. She does not give us advance notice as required by the law in CA, yet my husband is afraid of moving. Out of the mercy and fear, I swallow the situation and pay the increased rate.

I borrowed a Casio game CD from local library for my in law because that seems to be the most interesting thing to them in Las Vegas. I did not do it from my love but God’s love as I felt deep separation and hurt by their behaviors. However, I got a call stating there is user manual not returned. I don’t believe it was with the CD I borrowed, but which I will be responsible for as I did not report it. When I tried to make it clear I did not know there should be one, could it be possible the manual is still on the shelf, I got a very impatient answer.

I was scheduled a week ago to do a consulting project with a financial firm. I nervously spent my time and try to do a good job. However, it was cancelled at the last minute due to a sudden change of their priorities.

I was also promised to get updated information if I will join Law Firm #3 for a project starting in January. But I did not receive any message from my contact when I contacted him. He is in China and not coming back until early February.

I felt I am losing my husband to another woman, his Mom. He spent quite long time in their room with door closed. I went to look for him three times and he is in the parents room. Eventually he comes to find me because he wanted me to set up dinner.

All these happened in two days, back to back. In the mist of it, I went to our Christian counseling class, where our teacher said every though going through our mind is a choice we make, we are advancing someone’s agenda, if not God’s then is satan’s.

If I told myself I will put penny after penny so that we can buy a house in Silicon Valley. I will be insane. But this time, I really want to try out, under each of the above circum stances, I will still trust God, praise God and be thankful to Him, as a thought, one by one, advancing God’s agenda not mine, not satan’s, be a weapon of God, not the world’s, not the situation’s…..

What will happen?

What do you get up everyday for?

Have you ever had experience that the only reason you get everyday is because of the Lord? The people disappointed you, things kept on getting worse and worse. One has not been solved and an even worse one appeared. You feel crammed and can hardly breathe. All other nice expectation about life, a baby, a house and a job… are nowhere to be found.

Maybe you haven’t, but I am certainly in the mist of it.

My only drive to get up everyday is to expect that someday God is going to lead me through. He can raise the dead, turn water into wine…. My situation is not bigger than He can handle.

What is really life?

Many Christians pray just for circumstantial things they want outside of their lives. However God wants to change us. Do we really understand who we are now as believers in Christ? Do we understand the purpose for which we become believers? Do we understand the call and freedom and power to grow, to be saved in our practical daily lifestyle?

Life and death

Everybody fights hard for life and fights hard against death.

Often we end up in a situation thinking that is life but it actually leads to death, but some deadly situation leads to a fruitful life.

Do you know what is life and what is death? What are you fighting for and fighting against?

Under the circumstances

We are under the weather, under the situation, under the circumstances….

But what are we doing under there?

Do we know whom we are praying to?

Who are you praying to?

Our first stop to entertain our in-laws is Las Vegas. When first arrived after 8 hour driving, everyone was exhausted. My husband waited in line to check in.

While I was waiting, I prayed for a room upgrade then started to read our Wednesday bible class handout.

“Hope is different from positive thinking, because we have basis.”
A voice occurred to me: “Do you know whom you were praying to?”

Do I know?

Later that night, we checked into two executive suits, with restricted floor access. Our room was opposite to Bellagio, so we can get a big picture view with the fountain show.

When the road is narrow and budget is tight, do we know whom we are praying to?
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PS. We only paid $50/day.