Have you met your angles this holiday season?

Have you met your angles this holiday season?

When Brian Morgan said in the sermon:

if you are attentive, God’s angle will visit you and look at you in the eyes, saying hello God’s favorite one…receive Jesus” (http://www.pbcc.org/sermons/media/1663.mp3)

I was desperate to meet my angel and receive my Jesus.

The beginning of this holiday is not so good for me. Because most of the holiday letters from my friends in the corporate world from my previous life, have included a big section on their career of 2011, including two of them finding new jobs, two friends’ company got acquired with one having the financial freedom to possibly quit and not working for $ anymore, one got promoted to full-time professor, one finished residency and got started as a medical doctor…I suddenly got reminded I did not accomplish much career wise in 2011. Can I re-life 2011? Or shall I in a hurry to figure out about my career accomplishments in the last two weeks of 2011?

Where is my God? My focus and my savior? I want to meet my personal angel.

I first stayed at home then realizing my husband would not transform figure into an angel, I went to places where I can meet strangers and travelers. I received nothing.

I need to meet an angel for me to make it into 2012.

Cooking oil in our kitchen ran out. After shopping for cooking oil, I stepped into a tiny produce store where I’d like to do window-shopping in. The next thing happened was tear running down my cheeks because I saw bunch of sugar cane there. My grandfather started to grow green sugar cane for me in his yard after I was born, it is a symbol for his love and our strong tie. And this is a secret in our family only my mom and my grandma would know.

I am not only received my angel, and now they are in me, and I shared it with my husband and neighbors.

God has all the wisdoms beyond what I ever could imagine.

A Testimony

A few years ago I heard this testimony from a local CEO , who is running a very successful software company for better transparency and security for the finance sector and legal sector. The company recently acquired a division of JP Morgan.
The CEO wearing a haircut making people thinking he is still in his early 30s, yet he is a father of two teenage children. He told us a story about his faith soft and gently .

He was first a professional skier and competes nationally. He grew up in a Christian family but was not very close to God, until he was 7 years ago. At that time he had already a couple companies, had a house in Los Gatos, both children in private school. But he wants to get close to God and he prayed sincerely, giving his life to him. Then series of things had happened.

September 11 came. At the time when he was in a building facing the twin towers. He, through the glass window, watched the devastating scene. Then he saw people came afterwards, weep and prayed together regardless race, cultural, etc. He, everyone else nearby, was hard to get not touched by it. This may be what God want us to be one day.

His company suffered from loss of business but managed to survive to the end of 2002, when there is offer to buy the company from a multinational firm. All transaction is planned to be on cash, all the employee are continue to work for the company. It is an offer everyone is happy about and nothing could go wrong.

February the following year, when he tried to pick up paper from copy machine, he suddenly had a very bad migration and was sent to emergency, was diagnosed with something in the brain (a birth defect). Doctors can only do a operation when the defect grows bigger but he could die instantly in the process because of the location.

The offer to buy the company backed out because he is supposed to run the company after it is bought. He had to take equity from his house to extend the life of the company but it still end of close down, leaving him with no income. But he commented that is the best period of his life as he lives everyday as it is the last day, every time he talks to his wife, it is his last conversation. For people he hates in the past, does not anymore.

The doctor told him if he has a problem of swallowing then gets in right way for the operation. The operation would be 50/50 life/death chance and with 100% certainty he is going to be paralyzed on his left side of the body for the rest of his life. There are only two persons in the whole United States can perform this operation and one is at Stanford University. To make the long story short, he was able to raise his left arm after the 5th time he was waken up in the ICU, doctors felt they won a lottery. But painful recovery process has started. He could choose not do the operation if he had known how painful the recovery process. It took him 6months to twig his left toe, took another sometime not drew through his mouth, took him about two years to walk…He suffers severe side effects from the operation, had to be sent to hospital twice a year….His children just started their teenage years.

When I saw listening to him, he is perfectly healthy man. Still today, his case was well studied by all neurosurgeon in residence at Stanford, nobody believes he could recovers this well because of the location of the operation.

God also provided them financially. He did not elaborate much, but I can image he is essentially with no income, no healthcare during the 2-3 year period. He mentioned there is one day he and his wife were going through the bills and there were 3xyz amount was lacking and door bell run, a check with exact that amount arrived. There are times there were 7000 cash in their mailbox appeared….He summarized that he and his family was constantly provided going through that process.

A few years ago, he put another business proposal together and people who had invested in him in the past, invested in him again. Now we see him as a successful CEO with a growing company in this economy.

He delivered the testimony with the purpose to everyone hope. Quoting from, he managed through it is not because his personal faithful, it is because God is faithful to us.

There are many elements in his story makes people reflecting upon.
He was CEO before he prayed and he is a CEO today. What I learned that God sometimes just want us to be his living testimony. Borrowing what our pastor, you and me are living youtube.

Linkedin profiles

I have acquired a habit from my previous life to look up people's linkedin profiles after introduction. I have grown out of the stage of judging people by their titles, jobs, but the education and job profiles help me to register new acquantainance in my database.

This year, I have encountered a few people in their 40-50s, yet they do not have a linkedin profile, not an account. But their introduction about themselves took my breath away. I heard Holy Spirit whispered to me:" How about a profile on the Book of Life?"

Yes.

Do you have an account and a profile on the book of life (lamb)?

What do you want to do when you grow up

In part of an effort giving my son back to God, I decided to let myself turn loose:

1. Do not become the person someone else want you to be, but be a person true to God

2. Do not choose a career that your parents think they are the best for you. Choose a career God gives you passion for.

3. Do not marry someone because your mom thinks she is good for you because your mom mostly likely would choose someone do most of house work for you...

A life had not lived

I vividly remember the first day we brought our son back home after he was born, my husband sat in the nursery room, looking at my son, gently said he would take my son to do mission someday. At the time my son was 4 lb 10 Oz.

"Are you crazy? How come he get sick?" I am not willing to get my son to somewhere not clean enough.

However, accidentally, I came across a post by a high schooler who visited extremely poor condition in China. http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/slides/2011-07/22/content_12963428.htm
His comment "After experiencing life in this village (very deprived situation), I felt like I had not really lived in San Marino (his life in CA).

I pray that my son can have a life that he had lived.

Expand the capacity

I recently get acquainted with a family who lives in a single family residential in saratoga ( a rich neighbourhood in silicon valley). They do not have any Children because the wife had two mis-carriages. "Then why not adopt?" "While the wife was not sure if she will love the child if it is adopted."

I recently get to know a family having all their children are adopted. (http://qbabel.blogspot.com/)
When my son was having play date with them, I honestly felt the mom could not love them more. And that love is contagious to me.

And here is some one, capable of having their own biological child but decide to adopt, and the third one is one with a medical condition, prompted by God. (http://maksters.blogspot.com/2011/03/her-heart-condition.html)

I had an old acquaintance, who have two houses, 4 cars including one sport, one luxury, weekly massage,...but children are too much work for her.

Father God, please build our capacities, to have our next generation having expanding capacities.

A life without limbs

I heard of Nick Vujicic when I was told by doctors and statics that my son has 1/9 risk of being a down syndrome baby (comparing 1/thousands for a risk of normal baby).

At the time, however, my fragile heart can not take anything like that and I can not even take a glimpse or imagine a person like Nick Vujicic.

Recently, when discussing the impossibles, people told me Nick, without limbs, can ski,...
www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/
I looked him up and surprisingly I did not find weakness and vulnerable but I find strength.

Be inspired. A life without limbs have demonstrated no limits.

Be courageous.

"For the Lord our God will be with you wherever you go."

Last night, late at night, my husband asked me if I heard of Christopher Yuan. I quickly run through my thin data base of Asian CEOs of start-ups, top litigators etc...Then he told me Christopher Yuan's live story.

Then he asked me if we would be able still to pray with other people, like Chris's parents did, if my son is unconventional like Chris. I first reaction was I would commit a suicide long before his mom.

My 9-month old was in deep sleep and I was in tears. I really do not know what his life contains. Teenage years, adulthood...Maybe I should fast and pray every Monday so that his life does not have any difficulty. But isn't that there is only one way to learn about the depth of life--in its difficulties, knowing the limits of our own strength? I wept. Father God, can you give me all the troubles he will have, all the pain he will bear, so that he can be trouble, pain free?

Today, accidentally, I saw a group of young girls, singing "Be courageous, for the Lord our God will be with you wherever you go". (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjtJ4Bq3oY4&feature=related)
All of the sudden, I am released from the dark cloud from last night, not because of the lyrics, but because who sing-- a group of young people, pre-teens. Our next generation can be just like them, sing with freedom, dance with joy, regardless the circumstances, as THEIR heavenly father will be with them wherever they go.

Spend time with a device or a human being?

Sitting in the lobby of Company A waiting for my host to pick me up, a strong feeling came: I do not belong here, no matter how much is paid.

The building and environment is nice, people traveling from China wish to visit. What troubles me is that it felt a machine’s world and not a human being’s world. Everyone here, regardless where they are coming or going, wired on a device, busy txt messaging, reply emails, or surfing the web.

Directors show up, decent business people with some reasonable technical knowledge. Good friendly conversations. Industrial designers show up---they dress extremely unique…”Company A is built on each individual’s PRIDE”. “There is no consensus here”. “They do not care if they get along”. (a HR comment).

Company A’s products are worshipped all over the world. But why people want to spend their in that culture? NO Choice?

perfect vs passionate

Do you want to be a perfect person who competes aggressively, restlessly in whatever you do? Or do you want to be a passionate person who excels in only one given area but never loses the passion in ups and downs?

Back Up Plan

One important thing in risk management is to have a back up plan.

However in our everyday life, there is only one way, no back up. The back up plan is a false comfort zone.

Does status, fame, fortune, money really important to you?

I have seen two groups of moms. One group is still employed today, earning decent money and having a decent career. But struggling not having enough time with their children. Their take home pay is transfered to baby sitters and after school programs. or they save pretty much by using their parents as maids.

The other group, bravely staying at home, do everything on their own but once in a while is not certain about it, not completely happy or satisfied with the "stay home wife" title and is wondering is this all the rest of the life is about?

Is there a happy medium or a solution to this dilemma?

I went to seek Biblical counseling before I got pregnant. How woman and career should be handled according to the Bible? The bible does not forbid mom to take a career or stay at home. But bible does recited an example of a wisdom woman in the last chapter of Proverbs, who took care of the need of the family and also have her own investment business. So this is an example that some one can actually solve the paradox, an inspiration, who I want to be and will be by the mighty power of God.

I have seen a friend on one hand just could not give up her pay check, on the other hand, feeling tremendous guilt to her sons. Does the status of being employed, and a few take home $ that important to you, more important to you than the time you spent with your sons?

Chichen and Egg

Which one comes first? What is the reason and what is the result?

In the business world, we call that "the catch 22", which basically means the same thing.

In the early days when I just become a Christian, I found out the people who loves the Lord the most are the people having the most difficulties in their lives. In another words, because of the difficulties, they are forced to stick with the Lord.

But today, I found it is completely the opposite. I realized, it is because the people who are most sincere to the Lord in their hearts, God measure trials and tribulations into their lives, so that they are more thankful, joyful and have a changed life.

Because they are sincere follower of Christ, God intervened and a new life is born, despite of the difficulties and suffers.

Have you ever been here?

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ jesus my lord, for whose sake I have lost all things.

I have.

Are we playing God?

God does not want us to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Why?

One explanation I heard is that God is divine and he is reference point. Everything from HIM is good, not from HIM is evil. If I thought I know good from evil is more to use myself as a reference point, than everything from me is good, not me is evil.

Last Friday, a sister shared her experience about her seemingly eternal sickness. She talked about what you do when God does not heal you and concluded: being sick can glorify God.

Last Wednesday, out teacher told us her second daughter almost died in a third world country when they were missionaries there. They were on schedule to get on to a train which has no water and medical supplies. God cancelled that train and her daughter survived. Had her daughter got onto that train, she would have been died. In responding her testimonies, some one in the audience, responded: If she died, God is still a good God.

Last Sunday, a brother shared his testimony about exporting business in China. He needs to export goodies from mainland to US but the official requested a bribe. He, being a Christian, do not want to conform but will suffer significant financial loss if the export did not arrive on time. He prayed and forgot about it until five days later. God reminded him to ship from somewhere else and eventually the goodies arrived on the exact date.

I had thought about God heal people, which is good. God save people from dying, which is good. God change the heart of the people asking for bribe, which is good...But God used the opposite to show His power, love and mercy, led each of them through...

To heal not to heal, to save not to save, to change not to change, God measures different cups to each one of us. Do not take God's matter into our own hands, based on our own experience and understanding about God. We are not HIM and HE is always above and beyond...

One woman + her prayers

Bible has many stories about women. Sarah, Hannah, Noemi,...

Each of them lived a life I would not sign up for. But they certainly make the course of the history. In picturing them and their lives, I learned that even in their difficult situations with unbearable pains, it only takes one woman and their agonizing prayers to bring forth life into death or give birth to a child...

Only one woman and her prayers are enough.

God is your God, not mine

I recently encountered a sister, who is a single mom and recently lost her son. "God loves you but not me."

This comment frozen me. When I was a non-believer, I felt the same way. The God is other people's God. He answers other people's prayers but not mine. I still remember to a point, I dont believe any of my prayers will be heard. But our group leader at the time, volunteered to pray for me. "Whatever it wont change!"

A week later, the prayer was answered. When I was giving praise to God, I was challenged who says God does not love me? I was loved at that moment. God's love is passed to me through other people.

There is a bible story about a paralyzed person who could not walk to the feet of the Jesus, but his friends climbed up to the roof and dropped him directly in front of Jesus. Are we using our prayers to help deliver the people not coming to Jesus by themselves to the feet of cross and get healed?

No single achievement worth remembering...

"There is not a single achievement worth remembering that isn't stained with the blood of diligence and etched with the scars of disappointment."

Imagining see this statement when you are half walked in the morning like me. I am completely awake.

Spiritual Warfare or attack by the devils

My sister called in tears asking for prayer for some sort of spiritual attack on her family.

I am now writing down from my own experience what I learned:

1. Devils will not fundamentally change anything. They can only touch the surface and make us annoyed. But after the process, what is good always is given to us by God

2. You will be feel like being loved, by strangers, by people not expect them to love you. God is every where.

3. In the even, bit by bit you are not afraid any more. You will be ready to take on more challenges in lives.

Do not focus on the matters that were seen, because they are transient. Focus on the matters unseen, as they will bring internal life.

Holy spirit will help us to understand and grow in the process.

Do you know who you are?

I read this in my daily routine:

The mature people are described as:

They know who they are...
they like who they are...
they are who they are.

They are real.