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In the worst possible time in my life that I could be a testimony to the living God, He whispered to me a new acquaintance name. In about 7 consecutive days, every morning I woke up, it is her name. God is so persistant that I give up: OK. I will tell her about you, NOW.
Later on when I know her and her life a bit more, I wrote the following letter to her.
If you are reading this letter, I'd say it is also for you because God loves you.
......................................................................................................................................................................
Dear Lorie:
There are a few words I want to share with you for a long time. First start with my life. If someone told me last year I’d had no job for a while I will laugh and tell him I shall not live without a job. Yes that was me, define myself by what I do. If you know the past me, you would think that was a joke. God is working on me to let me see life by its true nature is very beautiful and if I walk along the course I designed for myself I don’t know what I will miss.
While this does not mean it is not painful and I am willingly to accept and enjoy the progress in the heart. I still feel the strong agony, lonely and unfairness. Only prayers lead me through day by day.
Trials come to our lives in various shapes and sizes, may variety in intensity and all produce enormous pain. They come because God sees us as gold that are incredibly valuable. He is refining our lives and strengthening our faith. He is teaching us depend more and more on Him. Trials fuel the furnace that God uses to reshape us from the inside out.
Trail is inevitable. Suffering is part of human living in a broken world. Who doesn’t have it? Pain is universal and inescapable. It seems unrelenting and unbearable right now.
But it is temporal not eternal. Suffering is painful to bear. Trials are torturously difficult to endure. We need not to get incurably discouraged or grow hopelessly weary. (I am waiting you here hope God will meet you here and lead you forward, a baby belongs to your future, not your past).
God let us suffer is not to destroy us but give us life and future. He created you and will create your baby. He has saved you once and will save you again.
His strength is adequate, His grace is sufficient and his plan is perfect even when we don’t fully comprehend.
Life is precious, for ourselves, for the people we love and who love us. As long as God is living, we have hope.
Blessings.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Hope ( A letter from a friend)
Happy Sunday,
You have been through a lot this past year, and your blog shows emotion as well as hope. The word "hope" in the Bible is not a good translation of the original word, which has more of a connotation of guarantee. When we follow Him, we don't just have a hope but a guarantee.
Count your blessings.
You have been through a lot this past year, and your blog shows emotion as well as hope. The word "hope" in the Bible is not a good translation of the original word, which has more of a connotation of guarantee. When we follow Him, we don't just have a hope but a guarantee.
Count your blessings.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
How close to death (August 2009)
How close to death
I am in my early 30s, perfect healthy with a loving caring husband and strong marriage. Yet twice in the last week, I had the feeling that life does not worth to live anymore.
Death does not have real meaning to me until 5 years ago that my dear grandfather who brought me up passed away. It took me sometime to accept it was real. I was in tears almost every night in the first couple of months and deeply in pain for the following 5 years until God healed me using the Father’s love.
Death knocked on me again. It is hard to believe that I do not have a regular job for so long and yet living a joyful life and still encouraging others. I know deeply that is impossible if I don’t have Jesus or He is not living and working today.
But death was so inviting, as often I don’t feel I can bear the pain, loneliness and uncertainty for the future anymore. The attractive way to stop all these is to accept death’s invitation. How close was I to death? Hours ago, my husband and I were going through the bible, trying to find a boy or girl’s name. Now, the cloud of death over ruled everything.
Death was so close. I can even smell it’s approaching. Its arm offers a seemingly quick and effective way to get away from current pain but leads to eternal death.
“1 Peter 4: 12Dear friend, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed. 19So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful creator and continues to do good.”
I always thought the suffering in text refers to people in the missions or die due to prosecutions, but surprisingly now it is also meaningful to me and applicable in my current situation.
“1 Peter 1: 6 …though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
How close am I to death. Less than a hair away.
But Jesus is living and so shall I. I thank God for giving me this unique experience and my faith was refined again by the deadly fire. “I have not seen him but I love him; and even though I do not see him now, I believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for I am receiving the goal of my faith, the salvation of my soul.”(1 Peter 1:8)
I am in my early 30s, perfect healthy with a loving caring husband and strong marriage. Yet twice in the last week, I had the feeling that life does not worth to live anymore.
Death does not have real meaning to me until 5 years ago that my dear grandfather who brought me up passed away. It took me sometime to accept it was real. I was in tears almost every night in the first couple of months and deeply in pain for the following 5 years until God healed me using the Father’s love.
Death knocked on me again. It is hard to believe that I do not have a regular job for so long and yet living a joyful life and still encouraging others. I know deeply that is impossible if I don’t have Jesus or He is not living and working today.
But death was so inviting, as often I don’t feel I can bear the pain, loneliness and uncertainty for the future anymore. The attractive way to stop all these is to accept death’s invitation. How close was I to death? Hours ago, my husband and I were going through the bible, trying to find a boy or girl’s name. Now, the cloud of death over ruled everything.
Death was so close. I can even smell it’s approaching. Its arm offers a seemingly quick and effective way to get away from current pain but leads to eternal death.
“1 Peter 4: 12Dear friend, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. 13But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed. 19So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful creator and continues to do good.”
I always thought the suffering in text refers to people in the missions or die due to prosecutions, but surprisingly now it is also meaningful to me and applicable in my current situation.
“1 Peter 1: 6 …though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”
How close am I to death. Less than a hair away.
But Jesus is living and so shall I. I thank God for giving me this unique experience and my faith was refined again by the deadly fire. “I have not seen him but I love him; and even though I do not see him now, I believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for I am receiving the goal of my faith, the salvation of my soul.”(1 Peter 1:8)
What is the richness in this world? (August 2009)
The Christians I personally know are generous people but not rich by worldly standards. Being a pastor is not as attractive as being a doctor, lawyer or cooperate executive as a profession. Being a Christian equals to being poor?
Some says the richest person is not one who has the most, but is the one who needs the least. Others say the richest person is who understands the meaning of enough. Intellectually I agree with both. But they do not bring any power to me. I continued to ask God. He seemed to answer “Take joy in the Lord”. There is clearly a gap between the question and answer.
Recently, I was very nervous about something and asked a lot of people to pray for me. Some of them have full-time challenging jobs, some of them have new-borns and hardly get enough sleep everyday, and still some of them are juggling through different life responsibilities. I did not expect all them will remember because I lost track who I have requested prayers except a few. But surprisingly many emailed or called me after the interview and they really dropped off their lives and prayed for me.
When I was replying back, one by one, I suddenly felt I am the richest person in the world. The job itself does not matter any more. The feeling of being loved, remembered, surrounded and protected overwhelmed me. That is all that I need in this world. This experience brings level of satisfaction to my heart as God’s love penetrates through his people.
This little emotional experience fills in the gaps between “being rich” and “take joy in Lord”. It makes two statements about enough and needs very real to me.
What is the richness in this world? Everyone has different answers. I had a moment I felt I am really rich. No matter what and how much you have but you never experience the deep rich feeling, then I am sure you are really poor.
Some says the richest person is not one who has the most, but is the one who needs the least. Others say the richest person is who understands the meaning of enough. Intellectually I agree with both. But they do not bring any power to me. I continued to ask God. He seemed to answer “Take joy in the Lord”. There is clearly a gap between the question and answer.
Recently, I was very nervous about something and asked a lot of people to pray for me. Some of them have full-time challenging jobs, some of them have new-borns and hardly get enough sleep everyday, and still some of them are juggling through different life responsibilities. I did not expect all them will remember because I lost track who I have requested prayers except a few. But surprisingly many emailed or called me after the interview and they really dropped off their lives and prayed for me.
When I was replying back, one by one, I suddenly felt I am the richest person in the world. The job itself does not matter any more. The feeling of being loved, remembered, surrounded and protected overwhelmed me. That is all that I need in this world. This experience brings level of satisfaction to my heart as God’s love penetrates through his people.
This little emotional experience fills in the gaps between “being rich” and “take joy in Lord”. It makes two statements about enough and needs very real to me.
What is the richness in this world? Everyone has different answers. I had a moment I felt I am really rich. No matter what and how much you have but you never experience the deep rich feeling, then I am sure you are really poor.
My questions to God ( June 2009)
Why do we live?
-To give and receive love.
What do we need in God’s kingdom growth?
-Love not money or resources
What do we need when we are in difficulties?
-Hope. The Hope for the trustworthy Lord not our own strength and abilities
Why everything has a process (take time)?
-The process makes the results more precious and valuable. The waiting cultivates a deeper relationship and sufficient preparation.
Why do we have dark periods in our lives?
-Our normal easy-going life routine, to a certain point, is a barrier preventing us receiving God’s best gift and being thirsty to know Him more. We have to be forced to shut down and withdraw from the physical world to have quiet time and seek HIM only.
Why our lives are not run through a fixed course that we planned or anticipated?
-Because running through our own course will miss significant life adventures. We, not matter how visionary are, make short-term decisions. God always focus on the long term. Sometimes the fruit takes a few generations to show up. The only long-term decision we can make is to obey HIM.
Do not manufacture conclusions but be grateful
-God works in ways we do not see. Don’t even think in terms of this is the way things will turn out, especially when we are praying or serving. Be Open and stay calm.
God is the author of our faith. Be grateful if our names are on the book of Lamb.
Do Christians have to be in poverty? Could a Faith Giant, God’s warrior also a millionaire?
-To be answered.
-To give and receive love.
What do we need in God’s kingdom growth?
-Love not money or resources
What do we need when we are in difficulties?
-Hope. The Hope for the trustworthy Lord not our own strength and abilities
Why everything has a process (take time)?
-The process makes the results more precious and valuable. The waiting cultivates a deeper relationship and sufficient preparation.
Why do we have dark periods in our lives?
-Our normal easy-going life routine, to a certain point, is a barrier preventing us receiving God’s best gift and being thirsty to know Him more. We have to be forced to shut down and withdraw from the physical world to have quiet time and seek HIM only.
Why our lives are not run through a fixed course that we planned or anticipated?
-Because running through our own course will miss significant life adventures. We, not matter how visionary are, make short-term decisions. God always focus on the long term. Sometimes the fruit takes a few generations to show up. The only long-term decision we can make is to obey HIM.
Do not manufacture conclusions but be grateful
-God works in ways we do not see. Don’t even think in terms of this is the way things will turn out, especially when we are praying or serving. Be Open and stay calm.
God is the author of our faith. Be grateful if our names are on the book of Lamb.
Do Christians have to be in poverty? Could a Faith Giant, God’s warrior also a millionaire?
-To be answered.
Will we lose our salvation?
This is a popular question among Chinese congregation in one of churches we’ve been to. We don’t know the answer at the time.
The popular answer is once you are saved and you are forever saved. As long as you are baptized once and then you are going to heaven. It is really a convenient answer. But is this really true?
Now, eight years later, my husband listened to a message from a pastor on the radio. Now we have a better understanding.
By God’s mercy we are saved. Do you think this is something we can decide? No, only God got to decide.
Do you know where you are going? How sure are you?
The popular answer is once you are saved and you are forever saved. As long as you are baptized once and then you are going to heaven. It is really a convenient answer. But is this really true?
Now, eight years later, my husband listened to a message from a pastor on the radio. Now we have a better understanding.
By God’s mercy we are saved. Do you think this is something we can decide? No, only God got to decide.
Do you know where you are going? How sure are you?
Who is the selected one?
The urge of writing this down appeared to me several times this year. Now I am doing it in obeying and for the benefit of inspiring others.
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A friend of mine stayed with us for two weeks this year. IMO, He has everything in the physical world except a wife. During the two-week period I tried to persuade him to believe in Jesus and if he chooses to do so, God will definitely give him a wife custom made for him and more beyond his imagination. He sat through all these discussions and concluded: “God selected you to believe and selected me not to believe.”
God really determined who is to believe (and to save) and who is not at the beginning?
One day, a vision occurred to me. There was a lighted fireplace and bunches of branches on the floor next to the fireplace. An elderly person picked up a bunch of branches from the floor, went through them, sets aside a few and threw the rest into the fire. Then he picked up another handful bunch and did the same. I was carefully watching him. Right before he is ready to throw another bunch to the fire, suddenly I realized my friends were in there. The people I just had dinner with the past weekend, the couple who just had a lovely unexpected baby, …I stood up and cried out: “Wait! No!” I cried out to Him: “Lord, you want me to pray? I pray! If my prayers can save them, I pray hard!” I wept and wept because I could not endure the pain seeing the real persons I know were thrown into the fire. This elderly person paused, took out a few from the bunch, and grafted them to a trunk of a bigger tree. The grafted branches started to have life and grow baby branches.
Who is the selected one in the above scene? Can you taste a bit of the Father’s heart? If he is truly being selective, everything is pre-determined, why He needs to call out prayer warriors, pass His burden to His followers?
Regardless who we are and what we have done, do you know why you and me are still alive today? Because God is constantly trying to reach us and fellowship with us.
Whenever appropriate, I tried to tell people about God. Being through that scene, I know I can tolerate my friends’ “misunderstanding” but I can not bear the pain seeing their names not on the book of lamb on the judgment day.
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A friend of mine stayed with us for two weeks this year. IMO, He has everything in the physical world except a wife. During the two-week period I tried to persuade him to believe in Jesus and if he chooses to do so, God will definitely give him a wife custom made for him and more beyond his imagination. He sat through all these discussions and concluded: “God selected you to believe and selected me not to believe.”
God really determined who is to believe (and to save) and who is not at the beginning?
One day, a vision occurred to me. There was a lighted fireplace and bunches of branches on the floor next to the fireplace. An elderly person picked up a bunch of branches from the floor, went through them, sets aside a few and threw the rest into the fire. Then he picked up another handful bunch and did the same. I was carefully watching him. Right before he is ready to throw another bunch to the fire, suddenly I realized my friends were in there. The people I just had dinner with the past weekend, the couple who just had a lovely unexpected baby, …I stood up and cried out: “Wait! No!” I cried out to Him: “Lord, you want me to pray? I pray! If my prayers can save them, I pray hard!” I wept and wept because I could not endure the pain seeing the real persons I know were thrown into the fire. This elderly person paused, took out a few from the bunch, and grafted them to a trunk of a bigger tree. The grafted branches started to have life and grow baby branches.
Who is the selected one in the above scene? Can you taste a bit of the Father’s heart? If he is truly being selective, everything is pre-determined, why He needs to call out prayer warriors, pass His burden to His followers?
Regardless who we are and what we have done, do you know why you and me are still alive today? Because God is constantly trying to reach us and fellowship with us.
Whenever appropriate, I tried to tell people about God. Being through that scene, I know I can tolerate my friends’ “misunderstanding” but I can not bear the pain seeing their names not on the book of lamb on the judgment day.
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